Leah's Share: The Trouble with Friends

Lovely Lea shared this piece in her application for TTA. It explores the challenges of friendship and how those relationships evolve over a lifetime.

I could relate to so much of what she describes. One sentence in particular made me think “yes, exactly”:

“A friend who used to discuss things with you simply to work through them stops doing so, and updates you only on definitive good news, never the bad, the ugly, or the in-progress.”

It’s an unusual share, but it gave me a lot to think about. It made me wonder whether simply being aware of these subtle shifts might help us navigate friendships with a bit more care and generosity.

What I loved most was the honesty and the complexity of it all. It felt refreshing to see someone name things that are rarely spoken about.

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-weekend-essay/the-trouble-with-friends

Shyan

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Jan 29, 2026

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Thanks for sharing. I think this article is good at being honest about a lot of feelings that develop as you interact with friends over long periods of time. At the same time I found its general tone so callous that it felt hard for me to sympathize with the author at times. For example, the way she dicusses her "crisis friends" just felt so uncaring. I wonder if this attitude and attempt at categorizing friends into such reductive types is a self-fulfilling prophecy that would lead someone to being a worse friend than they otherwise could be.

Jeanne

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Jan 30, 2026

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Hahaha!! Go you @Shyan !! I think you're right! It’s also hard to know whether these authors truly mean what they say, or whether they get caught up in a persona, with a clear point to make. A kind of “I’m going to call it as it is” stance, where nuance is stripped away (consciously or not) in service of making a sharper point, provoking a reaction, or even shocking people..? It's well written, I really enjoyed the honesty but TOTALLY see your point AND thanks for pointing out that self-fulfilling prophecy, hadn't thought of it like that!

jeanne7629

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Jan 31, 2026

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@isabellanewell what are you thoughts?

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