William Ury on negotiation
- jeanne7629
- Sep 1, 2025
- 2 min read
Updated: Sep 8, 2025
The title “Lessons from a master negotiator” may appeal to some people, it didn’t to me. I don’t know why, but the word “negotiation” makes me feel about manipulation, about a The title “Lessons from a Master Negotiator” might grab some people, but honestly, it didn’t grab me at first. For some reason, the word negotiation always made me think of manipulation, a winner and a loser. But this talk completely changed my mind.
William Ury, cofounder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, is one of the world’s leading experts in the field. What struck me most was his passion for finding better ways to handle our differences, ways that don’t involve “dropping bombs or destroying relationships”.
A few practical tips I loved:
Instead of asking “where’s the line?” or “what are you willing to compromise on?”, ask why something matters most to the other person.
Instead of simply asking them to approve an agreement, have both sides critique the proposal first.
Write the other side’s victory speech: draft three talking points they could use to present your idea to their stakeholders. Think about the hardest questions they’ll face and give them the best answers you can. If it’s not a win for them too, it won’t work.
Ultimately, Ury frames negotiation as a three-step process:
Go to the balcony:step back, see the bigger picture, and manage yourself before trying to influence others.
Build a golden bridge: show respect, listen deeply, even help write their victory speech. Create a path where they can win too.
Take the third side: remember there are always more than two sides. Others are affected, and bringing their perspective in can shift everything.
(Start at 7 mins, listen until 1h40)
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