Rule Makers, Rule Breakers

I recently finished Rule Makers, Rule Breakers by Michele Gelfand, and it’s one of those books that subtly reshapes the way you see the world - not with grand declarations, but with quiet clarity. The core idea is simple: some cultures tend to be “tight” (with strong norms and little tolerance for deviance), while others are “loose” (with weaker norms and more permissiveness). But what makes the book powerful is the way this lens reveals the deeper logic behind behaviours we often find baffling - in individuals, communities, and entire nations.

One chapter I found particularly compelling looked at bicultural individuals - those who routinely navigate between two cultural worlds. As someone who’s French but living in Australia, this hit home. Both France and Australia are considered relatively “loose” cultures on the global spectrum, but that doesn’t mean their norms are interchangeable. I hadn’t realised until now how much of my daily life involves context-switching between unspoken rules - in workplaces, family dynamics, even neighbourhood expectations.

Another standout was Gelfand’s nuanced take on the United States. Rather than framing it as a divide between red and blue states, she explores a more textured cultural landscape - where tightness and looseness vary by state, region, and history. It’s a compelling reminder that the forces shaping people’s behaviours go far beyond political affiliation or ideology.

But perhaps the most valuable takeaway for me was how this framework can foster empathy. It’s not about excusing frustrating behaviours, but about pausing to ask why someone might see the world so differently. What threats, norms, or pressures are shaping their responses? Whether it’s a colleague, a neighbour, or a relative, understanding the tight-loose dynamic can shift our reaction from “What the hell?” to “Ah, I see.”