Babette's Share: How to debate with Bo Seo
Babette shared this with me after our intro call - a call I like to have with every member when they first join. And I'm sharing it here because I absolutely loved it!
Before listening to this video, my feelings about debates were quite negative (and I often say TTA is not a debate club!). From what I've seen, people in debates, be it on live TV or in more private settings for that matter, are just talking at each other. They are certainly not listening to the other side... how could they? they are simply too busy preparing their response to their next point. But this man has changed my views on debates (the proper kind anyhow)... There are so many interesting ideas Seo gets you thinking about, and AL LOT are very relevant to what we're trying to do here, with TTA.
Below are just a few notes /verbatims, I took away: (but if you don't have time, just start listening to it here!!
The importance of having a relationship with the person you're disagreeing with that is greater than the disagreement itself. It sounds obvious, but I think it's something we often forget. Interestingly though, there's a bit of a paradox here: the closer we are to someone, the harder disagreements can become, precisely because there's so much more at stake..!
The RISA framework, which is essentially a way of deciding whether a disagreement is even worth having in the first place:
Real: Is this a genuine difference of opinion, or just a misunderstanding?
Important: Does the issue actually matter to you?
Specific: Is the topic focused enough to make progress?
Aligned: Are you and the other person aligned in your goal of reaching a resolution?
“Before disagreeing, we need to agree on what we're disagreeing about!” How often do we actually do that? Not enough!
When listening, a good debater listens, and rather than immediately looking for weaknesses in the other person's argument, they are able to not just reconstruct it, play it back, but even strengthen it. In other words, they try to make the other person's argument as strong as possible before responding to it. I absolutely love this. Imagine if we all approached disagreements this way!
Interesting observation about conflict avoidance: "sometimes, avoiding disagreement reflects a lack of confidence not just in ourselves, but also in the other person and their ability to receive a good argument." I hadn't really thought about it that way before - aha moment!
His four (arche)types of bad debaters (which we can spot in the wild but perhaps occasionally recognise in ourselves!) + quick strategies to deal with them!:
The Dodger, who avoids the actual disagreement by creating a diversion. The trick is not to take the bait and to bring the conversation back to the original point.
The Twister, who misrepresents your argument and then argues against that version instead. The famous straw man. Here, the response is simply to correct the record: "No, that's not actually what I'm saying."
The Wrangler, for whom nothing is ever good enough. Always criticising, but never offering an alternative. A good response? "Well, what do you believe a solution is then?”
The Liar, who overwhelms you with so many falsehoods that you don't even know where to start. Rather than trying to correct everything, choose one or two representative claims and focus on those.
There were plenty more, but I will Bo speak.. haha!!
What I really took away from this is that disagreeing well is a skill. As Seo puts it, "We have the capacity to do it well, and we also have the capacity to do it very badly. And perhaps we need to be much more deliberate about which of those capacities we're developing."
I'd love to know what stood out to you, particularly if you've tried any of these approaches in your own conversations?!
Find the video here
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Remember, you don’t need to be an expert to join the conversation. Questions, reactions and different perspectives are all welcome. Comment below👇🏻
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